Vixen (vampedvixen) wrote,

JOURNAL TOPIC: What is the worst present you have ever received?

It was the Christmas after my father died. I was 28. My mother was an alcoholic by that time. Her friends were also up from South Carolina. She'd given them a lot of money to go out and buy their kids presents to put under the Christmas tree. We'd had to go out and buy a Christmas tree that looked like shit because the one my father always put up didn't fit in the living room with all of my mom's friends sleeping there.

Anyway, since I was a teenager, I had been wrapping presents that my mother bought for Christmas. That year I'd wrapped all my older sister's presents and all of the presents for the bratty little kids of my mom's friend.

My mom had given me some money to get my own presents that year. Usually I would buy a few things from because she "never knew what to get me"-- which was fine. I wouldn't be surprised, but at least I would get some cool stuff I'd picked out.

Traditionally, she'd hide the presents when they got delivered in the mail, wrap them up and put them under the tree. That year she didn't bring them in when they got delivered. I put them in the computer room myself but I kept telling her that I wished she would wrap them-- after all, it was the spirit of the thing and I had wrapped everyone else's presents.

Christmas Eve came and went, then I woke up on Christmas Day. Everyone was already in the room with the Christmas tree-- no one had bothered even waking me up to tell me that we were starting to open presents. My mother was already drunk and it was only 7:30am. I was really kind of already pissed that the bratty little children were enjoying what should have been OUR Christmas. But then I started to look for any of the presents I thought my mother would have wrapped, any with my name on them. None of them were for me. They were just all for the other kids.

So I start crying and go back to check out the computer room-- sure enough, there's all my presents, not wrapped or touched or anything. And in the background I can hear the bratty little kids all excited about their Christmas presents.

And I lost it.

Started crying like a baby in a fetal position.

It's stupid because obviously there's no Santa and I'm 28 and I should be over all of these childish beliefs-- but it's my first Christmas without my father, I couldn't even put up OUR tree, some bratty little kids are enjoying what should be OUR holiday and my mother couldn't even be bothered to do one damn thing for me. She couldn't even wrap the presents. There was no Christmas anymore and there never would be again.

Since then I've moved out and I don't really do Christmas. My mother died one year later and I have no family left. My friends all have their family traditions and no one is ever around on that day. It's just kind of wasted time for me. I really hate December.
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