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[Saturday, November 21st, 2009 @ 3:46pm] |
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 crazy |
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I will not be a crazy fangirl. I will not be a crazy fangirl. I will not be a crazy fangirl. I will not be a crazy fangirl. I will not be a crazy fangirl. I will not be a crazy fangirl. I will not be a crazy fangirl. I will not be a crazy fangirl. I will not be a crazy fangirl. I will not be a crazy fangirl. I will not be a crazy fangirl. I will not be a crazy fangirl. I will not be a crazy fangirl. I will not be a crazy fangirl. I will not be a crazy fangirl. I will not be a crazy fangirl. I will not be a crazy fangirl. I will not be a crazy fangirl. I will not be a crazy fangirl. I will not be a crazy fangirl. I will not be a crazy fangirl. I will not be a crazy fangirl. I will not be a crazy fangirl. I will not be a crazy fangirl. I will not be a crazy fangirl. I will not be a crazy fangirl. I will not be a crazy fangirl. I will not be a crazy fangirl. I will not be a crazy fangirl. I will not be a crazy fangirl. I will not be a crazy fangirl. I will not be a crazy fangirl. I will not be a crazy fangirl. I will not be a crazy fangirl. I will not be a crazy fangirl. I will not be a crazy fangirl. I will not be a crazy fangirl. I will not be a crazy fangirl. I will not be a crazy fangirl. I will not be a crazy fangirl.
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[Friday, November 20th, 2009 @ 1:23am] |
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mood |
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 grateful |
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We had our candlelight (early) Thanksgiving meeting tonight. It was beautiful. I am so grateful I am finally changing in all the right ways. And that I can count on those people in my home group who are helping me with all my changes, who've helped me back to my feet again and who can be relied upon in my darkest hours. And that I'm finally giving voice to the wisdom inside me and that others have commented that they see it in me too and can hear it when I talk to them. I'm getting rid of all the crap in my life and it feels amazing!
I'm trying to build something of myself. The going is really slowly, but I'm spending time to get to know myself again. I'm enjoying my company again. And all I have to do now is the next right thing. Rinse and repeat.
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[Thursday, November 19th, 2009 @ 10:01pm] |
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If you and I woke up in jail together (using only 4 words) what would you say to me?
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[Thursday, November 19th, 2009 @ 2:31am] |
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mood |
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42713.. only 7287 to go!
My nanoing group said they're going to try to distract me as much as they can so they can catch up to me, lol.. they can try!
ACT II has begun..
Erick had begun acting like an absolute idjit, Callahan had disappeared into the monestary for solitude and seclusion and Jadyn's pissed they gave her the pink guest room in Castle Indanna.. lol.. fun times!
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[Wednesday, November 18th, 2009 @ 2:43am] |
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mood |
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creative |
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I broke 40k today!! I'm in the home stretch.. with 9657 words left to go and 13 more days in which to write it. And I got to mock faux-Canadians!
She thought back to the few geography lessons about the kingdom she’d had as a child. She could only just barely remember her teacher telling her that the people of Kadna were fluent in the Frenich language—she sighed, wondering if that was enough to base risking her life on. She didn’t even like the Frenich language, it was all a bunch of high pitched squealing to her untrained ears.
Any book where you can mock the french and get away with it, especially in a foreign kingdom where they don't even have a France or French-Canadia for that matter!
ACT I is ~47k total (I wrote 6k in October), which means book is half done considering ACT II and ACT III will be ~25k each. And then will come editing.. and lulu.com for self-publishing, if that works out for Boglin's book first (he's the guinea pig). If not, just binding a copy at Kinko's, because they do pretty good work if it's just going to be for me.
For now, sleep.. then tomorrow formatting in where I think the chapter breaks should go. Then giving a copy to Beth so she may read it and mock my first-drafty-ness. Maybe waiting a few days before I get those 9657 of ACT II written, hopefully before Thanksgiving Day.
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| Nanowrimoing.. |
[Tuesday, November 17th, 2009 @ 12:54am] |
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mood |
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crazy |
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About to go save Callahan from a burning building, but first we found a horse.. the horse they call Euclid. He robbed from the rich, and he neighed to the poor, stood up to the man and he gave him what for..
And now a random quote from the novel:
"Why is it you're always around to save me when I'm in trouble?" She asked, as he cupped his hands together to boost her up onto the horse. She was grateful for it-- and didn't know exactly why. It felt nice to be cared for by someone who always seemed to be there when she needed him.
He pulled himself up onto the old saddle next, finally replying, "Well, Jadyn, it's a tactical impossibility not to be. I like being around you-- and you are always in trouble."
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[Monday, November 16th, 2009 @ 9:50pm] |
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mood |
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Beth, Boglin and I are having a Buffy Marathon. We just got to the point where Buffy kills Angel and he gets sucked into a hell dimension. It's awesome that I've forgotten scenes so it's like rewatching parts of it, but I still know WAY too much trivia about the show. I realized over the weekend why I'm so dumb about some things.. my brain is full of Buffy facts and figures.
I can just imagine it:
Brain Part 1: We have no place to put James Marsters' middle name! What do we do? What do we DO?!?!?
Brain Part 2: Dump the housing code information we need to pass the social policies test. Quick. Do it! Now!!!
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| *dances* |
[Saturday, November 14th, 2009 @ 4:26pm] |
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mood |
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amused |
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..Nanowrimo will eat your soul but you'll be happy..
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| Step 11 |
[Friday, November 13th, 2009 @ 4:03pm] |
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mood |
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 complacent |
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"You and I
We're like four year olds
We want to know
'Why' and 'How Come' about everything"
-Alanis Morrisette, "Joining You"
I'm starting to realize that:
A. Giving my will over to the care of my H.P., doesn't mean to be dominated by it, because to care about someone doesn't mean to control or take power away from them.
-and also-
B. Sometimes I have to go with the flow of things, and stop being the annoying child that keeps asking 'why' and 'how come'. Because it's like when children ask repeatedly why.. why is the sky blue? because of the way the light hits the atmosphere.. why.. because.. why.. because.. why.. *sigh* please stop asking me that. It's that way because that is the way it is and that is the way is has to be, you'll figure it out when you're older. End scene. Roll credits.
I don't get it.
Doesn't mean I have to.
Doesn't mean I won't ever.
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[Friday, November 13th, 2009 @ 12:25pm] |
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mood |
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I hit 30k yesterday!! My fingers are sore though, so I may not be able to write much today :(
And also because I have to write a serious part of the novel, but all I can think as my adventures arrive in this one setting is "You're out of the woods. You're out of the dark. You're out of the night. Step into the sun. Step into the light." song from The Wizard of Oz and I'm like.. "WHERE are you coming from, strange brain fart?!?!"
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| Spaceboy! |
[Thursday, November 12th, 2009 @ 5:34pm] |
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mood |
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 nostalgic |
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This one is for my Doctor. I always thought I was his Martha, but as time goes on our relationship has grown and perhaps I am his Donna. I miss our place.. and the way the snow used to fall outside his window..
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[Thursday, November 12th, 2009 @ 2:52am] |
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 cheerful |
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I just realized that Jadyn is Erick's albatross.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"No offense, lady, but we don't leave out teammates behind." he looked over his shoulder at her, while his peripheral vision stayed focused on the men who had come to fight. "We fight as one."
"She will destroy you!" She pointed a crooked finger at Jadyn, while grabbing her skirt in a fist with the other. "Everything she touches turns to ash and dust. Everything fades and withers in her grasp--"
"That doesn't mean it always will." Erick replied, angrily. He refused to let anyone tell him who to have in his life, who and what was good or right for him. "And as for telling me who and what I should care about, lady, you have no right to do so. I'll make my own decisions, thank you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*pumps air with fist*
I kind of love my adventurers today. Kicking evil gypsy butt since.. um.. 2009 (ps. our era, not kingdom era)! :)
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[Wednesday, November 11th, 2009 @ 10:07pm] |
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mood |
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 calm |
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I was talking to a friend tonight who said she really saw so much improvement in me in the past few weeks. It's such a relief to know that outsiders, especially healthy outsiders, see the strides I've been making. I have been making so many changes to myself and my life, I sometimes don't even know what I'm striving for anymore. We talked a lot about Serenity, and about how finding that is up to us because it is an inside job. And how sometimes you have to make hard sacrifices to find that Serenity.
She also said that it seems like I'm really trying to find myself lately. I told her that I hope there's a self for me to find. She reassured me that there definitely is more to me than I give myself credit for.
"For one thing," she said, "you are incredibly insightful and your insights have really helped me in the past few weeks." The fact that I was actually helpful to someone, that not all my advice or comments fall on deaf ears just made me SO relieved and happy to be on this Earth. To know that someone was actually helped by me in some small way.. by the same thing that has made these past few years HELL, made me actually glad to be insightful for once.
It always feels (and I know this is partly because I need to work on thinking that I know more than others and I have to work on my controlling nature).. but it still always feels like I'm Cassandra. No one listens to a word I say, like.. EVER! I can say something as simple as "this coffee is hot" and everyone will still say I'm crazy, over-reacting, stupid, what-have-you. And often without debate. Call me wrong if you want, but at least give your reasons for saying the sky is purple, because hey.. I don't know everything, maybe the sky REALLY IS purple. But if we don't talk about it, then I'll never be able to learn anything.
Anyway, to wrap it up, I just want to say that sometimes your Higher Power can be found in the form of other people giving you needed feedback like this. I have always thought that my H.P. is really community, but I've turned inward lately, mostly because I just really DO NOT want to deal with other people acting as psychic vampires or trying to 'should' on me ("you should do this, you should do that") ESPECIALLY when I'm still trying to get a good hold on who I am and what I want in life.. but maybe this community thing is more global than I thought, and maybe even strangers or acquaintences are part of this community. Maybe it's just the belief that human beings are supposed to help each other and having faith that they will be there for you. And not putting faces and names to that, because faces and names aren't important in the grand scheme of things. I don't know.. I think my ideas of what makes a 'power greater than one' needs refining. But I saw it in her today, and I'm grateful for that.
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[Wednesday, November 11th, 2009 @ 5:06pm] |
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mood |
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 happy |
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I have broken through to the other side of NaNoWriMo. I'm just over 25k, which is halfway there to 50,000.
The 8101 word day on Monday, followed by the 3600 word day yesterday really helped. As did the fact that I actually started to enjoy my story in a way that makes me actually want to work on it.
And I found the NaNoWriMo chat rooms on AIM, where they write in sprints of 10 minute breaks followed by 15 minute word wars (just seeing who can get the most written in that span of time). It's awesome to feel like I don't have to hibernate from people to get work done. And that we're all racing each other, cause there's nothing like competition to get me motivated.
I'm trying not to be the hare from the turtle and the hare though.. and keep plugging away even though I'm pretty content and relaxed now because if I only wrote 1200 words a day, I would still finish. Woot!
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